Peter, a self-confessed Tinder junkie, has been advising Mark on how to make the most of the proximity-over-personality app. ‘Ooh, he’d be great for the blog,’ I said when Mark mentioned him. ‘Can we organise brunch?’
At first Peter was hesitant because his reputation precedes him among the expats. Then he wanted to barter with me: an introduction to some publishers in exchange for sharing his trade secrets. I wouldn’t be allowed to write the blog either: he would guest blog to avoid lost-in-translation issues and he also wanted a link to his website [not included here]. To avoid any misinterpretation, Mark forwarded Peter’s texts, which included, ‘Just tell her “it’s a guy thing…” LOL’.
‘Is he a redpiller?,’ Christian, one of my colleagues asked after I read out the texts in the office. ‘And how long has Mark known this guy?,’ he added.
I finally met Peter over a Sunday roast at Al’s. It didn’t take long for Peter to bring up Tinder. He has algorithms (Tinder withholds your matches and releases them at certain times, apparently), stock phrases for different ‘types’ of women and his self-description ensures he targets the right women (‘sporty’ emphasises his physical interest in a relationship, for example).
The women among the dinner group weren’t too impressed by such a mechanical approach to dating. ‘My friend’s husband didn’t think I knew the “Netflix and chill” phrase and explained it to warn me,’ one of the ladies said. ‘Eww, it’s totally wrong hearing that from your mate’s hubby,’ I responded. ‘It’s like someone telling you how great their sex life is,’ I said. ‘Only sex disaster stories are permissible.’ As if on cue, Peter said, ‘You can’t beat getting a blowjob while watching Game of Thrones.’
Following the dinner, I befriended the women on Facebook, inviting them to book aka booze club; I organised a flat viewing with the other guy and thought I’d better not leave Peter out of my Facebook requests. ‘Hi WLG,’ he responded. ‘I use Facebook in a way that I don’t add people after the first meeting. I’d be more than happy to get to know you more and we can do the Facebook friend thing later on. Hope you understand. Have a beautiful day :)’.
