A lot of people at Hot Danish’s workplace were struck down by a stomach bug last week. HD got it first; then passed it on to me, so I spent most of the weekend throwing up. During the week he showed me several emails from colleagues who seemed to have copied in the entire office with details of their sickness.

What none of them knew was that HD was probably the originator of the illness. A week earlier his flat had started to smell. He’d been piling the rubbish bags on his balcony and kept missing the bin collection days. He was out for a work dinner on Wednesday, but he really couldn’t leave it any longer. I was getting worried the neighbours would complain or that the bags would attract vermin. I texted him at around 10pm to remind him to put the rubbish out.

‘Don’t worry baby. It’s all been taken care of,’ he texted the next morning. I was pleasantly surprised. He told me the full story over a couple of glasses of Petit Chablis (for me) and Firefinch Ripe Red (for him) at the newly opened Ambar bar before seeing The Artist at Swiss Cottage’s Odeon a few days later. He’d left Barts bar and offered a homeless person a ‘business proposition’. The homeless guy had asked to bring along a friend, so the three of them piled into a taxi and headed to HD’s flat. ‘I noticed they smelt after I closed the door of the cab and the driver kept eye-balling me,’ HD said. The two strangers took out the 20 or so bags of rubbish; HD gave them some money and offered them a couple of beers, but apparently they didn’t drink and then they left. The next day HD was sick.

I relayed the story to Liz as we headed to an exhibition at The Collection. ‘I don’t think guys buy underwear between leaving home and their first serious girlfriend,’ she laughed.
‘He did mention that he bought all his boxers from Gap in the States years ago,’ I replied. ‘He always leaves lids off things, too.’
‘I bet he just leaves everything for his cleaner to do.’
‘Yes, and I know some guys annoyingly leave their damp towel on the bed after a shower but he’s even worse: he leaves his on the floor.’

There’s a new smell in HD’s flat. We cleared out the fridge a few evenings ago, but every time he opens the door a strong odour wafts out. Luckily the cleaner arrives today.