Catching up with relatives as an adult can be quite revelatory, particularly after a drink or two. There’s the uncle who admitted he travelled to meet a Russian, whose English was minimal, whom he’d met online during a decade-long period of singledom; the numerous unplanned pregnancies (I’m convinced that we would be suffering a similar population crisis as Denmark if we were as responsible with contraception as the Danes); and perhaps the most entertaining stories reveal delusions of courage, romance and a strong work ethic (generally scoffed at by other family members).
‘I don’t know why you didn’t just marry Nick and have a lovely, secure life with him?’ my stepfather recently asked over a family dinner.
‘I was 18 when we got engaged,’ I replied while the rest of the family present chuckled.
‘Oh, I didn’t realise you were that young,’ he said. He thought for a moment, ‘Why do you always go out with high fliers?’
‘It’s not my intention, but generally they make more of an effort and I don’t have anything in common with someone who likes camping.’
‘Your aunt said you dumped a guy for not texting you five times a day.’ (My aunt starts the day with a warm brandy, so isn’t the most reliable narrator.)
‘Did you ask him to look at his dark side?’ Monique said when I gave her and Jess my account of the dating inquisition. Monique has recently been recommended a book to help her ‘deal with her issues’ so that she can be in a position to meet the ‘right’ man by her dentist. She was unable to provide a witty retort at the time; her mouth was clamped open.
‘Luckily people just ask me how the kids are rather than delve into my chequered love life,’ Jess said. ‘Although that does make me feel a bit like I don’t exist sometimes.’
‘I guess they don’t want to say anything tactless,’ I replied.
‘Of course – they do it all out of love.’
