Once I’d confirmed the date with the Politician, he stepped up the messages and phone calls. Eager to impress, he sent me images of his home and revealed his ambitions for the forthcoming year. He even mentioned a petition, which I’d forgotten that I’d signed (I had to look up HRA and, fittingly, responded with a typo, Human Tights Act).
One evening he messaged asking if I was okay and I was beginning to wonder if he was in the blood-red-artwork-owning ex’s league of intensity.
As I was clearing up after book/booze club, I received another message asking if I was okay. I gave him an update but this time he followed up with an accusation of radio silence and asked if I wanted to cancel Friday. Despite my reassurances, it soon became clear that here was yet another stand-up guy and Trustafarian’s advice about dating older men might have been off.
I felt rather sorry for my mum, who had made a note of the VIP event, that I was clearly no longer going to, in her diary so she could look out for me on the BBC. My mum, however, can be very reassuring when you’ve been let down too many times or need a bit of advice. Here are a few of her best lines:
- Me: Do you think I’m spoilt?
Mum: I hope so, darling. - Mum: You’re so beautiful.
Me: You’re my mum so you would say that.
Mum: No, I think your brother is ugly. - Mum: I’m so proud of you.
Me: Would you be proud if I worked in McDonalds?
Mum: Yes, I would. - Mum: I can’t believe you’re travelling to Copenhagen for a restaurant.
Me: There might be live prawns on the menu.
Mum: Live porn?
Me: No – LIVE PRAWNS.
Mum: Oh [clearly disappointed]. - Mum: I don’t do cocaine; I can’t afford it.
