It seems everyone’s talking about the new book, Primates of Park Avenue by anthropologist Wednesday Martin. A friend and fellow book/booze club member first mentioned it to me and before long it was all over Facebook and in the lifestyle (notably, not the book review) sections of magazines.
The competitive grooming, social jockeying and alcohol-fueled women-only luncheons weren’t particularly newsworthy. It was the fact that the Glam SAHMs (glamorous stay-at-home-mums) receive ‘wife bonuses’ from their hedge-fund husbands based on ‘good’ spousal behaviour that really caused a stir. We’re talking about financial rewards based on how well she manages the home budget or whether she gets the kids into the ‘right’ school.
‘I don’t find a wife bonus that ludicrous,’ one unnamed mum told Business Insider. ‘I have plenty of friends who receive push presents and find the concept similar… I think if the working partner receives a bonus at the office the co-at home but working mother should share in that bonus.’
It seems that the giving of wife bonuses has been confused with the completely different situation of when one spouse financially supports the other, whether for one to stay at home to raise the kids or during a career change or when one spouse loses a job or follows their partner abroad – these situations are based on support and trust, which are, of course, important in every relationship.
In contrast, the wife bonus, at its most basic level, governs a spouse’s behaviour, and therefore her freedom. And it’s a reminder of times when marriage clearly meant the ownership of women.
I’ve been financially dependent on a partner twice. Trustafarian suggested and supported my career change. He is one of those rare people, who gives without wanting anything in return. In the second instance, I followed Hot Danish abroad. Even though I repaid the money I spent during the time I was unemployed, our hideously acrimonious break-up made me swear never to sacrifice my independence again.
But, naturally, relationships (like much of life) sometimes require a leap of faith.
