Hi Lou, you’re the founder of the Mama Collective. Can you tell us a bit about what you do with them and your journey to setting up the company?
After the birth of my 2nd son, I found that I started losing my patience and snapping over unimportant things like my eldest forgetting to take off muddy shoes in the house or spilling lunch on the floor. I was on edge and couldn’t be anything but impatient, often more times than not. Sometimes I didn’t want to get out of the house and do things with the kids because it all felt too hard to get two kids under 2 out the front door.
I’d look around the house and see clumps of dog hair needing to be swept, fingerprints all over the windows, kids paint on the table, plates stacked high in the sink and there I’d be, still sitting in my yoga pants and nursing bra…wondering what on earth happened to ME? I was well and truly lost in motherhood. I was overwhelmed, exhausted and burnt out.
I’ve had mum burnout more than once, but now that I am familiar with the signs and symptoms, I can help myself before it spirals. I spent too long being bone-tired, emotionally worn out, impatient and irritable – so I’m on a mission to help other mums recognise when they might be more than just ‘mum tired’ and put tools and practices in place to help them get their mojo back and prevent burnout.
Recent research conducted by online community Mothersphere on 1,009 women in the UK found that 1 in 3 mums reported feeling driven to breaking point after facing the ‘pandemic juggle’ of homeschooling, working from home and extra childcare. The survey also found half of the respondents felt that they were in ‘dire need’ of self-care.
So, I decided to combine my knowledge, education, 1-2-1 coaching experience and personal experience – and create The Mama Collective. The Collective supports and encourages mums through the rollercoaster of motherhood – through the sleepless nights, mum rage moments, toddler tantrums, and mum guilt…the collective is here to celebrate your highs and cheer you on through the lows.
I deliver 3 LIVE health coaching sessions each week around nutrition, mindset, mindfulness and self-love along with guest expert workshops and recipes/meal planners/shopping lists. It’s health coaching without breaking the bank.
I studied at the Institute of Integrated Nutrition (IIN), where she studied over 100 dietary theories, learned innovative coaching methods and practical lifestyle medicine with some of the world’s top health and wellness experts. Additionally, I’ve done specialist training in hormone health (IIN), as well as being a 10 of zen mindfulness teacher for mums.
You can join The Mama Collective anytime and access ALL of the sessions. Everything is saved on the hub. And there are over 40+ sessions on the hub to access right away, things like:
– Affirmations and mantras to help you lighten the motherload a little
– Gut health 101 workshop
– Chronic stress & depletion workshop
– The power of ‘ingratitude’
– Mindset journaling
– Headspace health check
– Body appreciation
– Letting go of ‘shoulds’
– Eating for energy
– Power Pause breathwork
– Ocean breath
– Coping with tiredness
– End of month reflections & intention setting
What advice do you have for new mums who might be struggling in the current climate?
My top piece of advice would be to embrace your messy motherhood. It’s easy to feel like you’re doing it all wrong. It’s easy to focus on all of the ‘not so perfect’ moments, to focus on the imperfections…especially when what we see around us is mostly all of the ‘oh so perfect’ moments. But I think it is SO important to talk more about the fact that motherhood is messy, it’s hard and it’s far from perfect. None of us are perfect mums and there is no right way to do this; your imperfect motherhood is perfect!
Go easy on yourself. Be patient. You haven’t lost yourself, you are still there… buried deep under the piles of nappies, dirty baby grows, toddler tears and tantrums! You are Ok. You are doing GREAT. It’s Ok to not be Ok. It’s ok to find this hard. It’s Ok if parenting feels really crappy sometimes. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be positive all the time. Motherhood is TOUGH. Accept the tough days and know that better ones are on their way again. ‘no-one has it all together’ – things are not always what they seem. Whilst it might appear that everyone is ‘winning at motherhood’, EVERYONE has their own struggles and no one has it all together. No one has it all. Everyone is just doing their best, you included, and that’s all that matters. You can do anything but you can’t do everything – there are no limits to what you can achieve – but maintaining balance and pace is vital. You aren’t a failure if you ask for help. You are not weak for needing time to rest. Make time for yourself to rest and recharge – don’t feel guilty about ‘me time’.
What do you love most about being a mum?
Motherhood is messy, but boy oh boy is it magical too. I can’t choose just one thing that I love the most but some of my favourite memories that are forever captured in my brain are the sweet smell of each of them as newborn babies, the tiny fingers and toes, eyelashes, toddler belly giggles, watching them be absolutely fearless, the pride you feel when they do amazing things, seeing the love my kids have for one another, sofa snuggles, watching them be spontaneously kind, their little chubby hands in mine, butterfly kisses, their plans to improve the world, watching them sleep, feeling your heart expand larger than you ever thought it could…all these moments that help you forget the sleepless nights, the screaming, fights, tears and tantrums – these precious moments make being a mum one of the hardest but the best jobs in the world.
The endless hugs, kisses, and loving gestures from your child remind you every day of the love that you share from even before they were born.
What is the hardest thing?
The beginning of my motherhood journey was filled with utter exhaustion on a physical, mental and emotional level. The challenge came for me after I had my 2nd baby. I had 2 kids really close in age, and I found that SO tough. I was running my own business and I didn’t give myself time to rest, I viewed self-care as a luxury, I thought rest was lazy, I was working long hours and I thought I could do it all. I thought I could just keep pushing through…Be a great mum, keep growing my business, be a good wife, be a good friend. Another problem was that I was a perfectionist and a people pleaser and I also used to very easily get sucked into comparing myself to others.
A trio of traits that spelt disaster for me as a new mum. Trying to be a perfect mum, not being able to say ‘no’ to requests from work or anyone really, comparing my behind the scenes to everyone else’s best bits… it was a recipe for burnout and depletion. I felt so lost in motherhood. I felt like I had no time for myself. I felt like I was constantly needed. I didn’t do anything for myself …I was rushing from pillar to post and I was just in complete autopilot mode – I was all about doing mode, getting as much done as possible and ‘being mode’ just didn’t feature. I wasn’t present at all and magic moments were just passing me by, and I wasn’t truly connecting to anything or anyone. And on top of that, I was exhausted from striving for an unreachable version of motherhood that just didn’t exist… now I am in such a different place.
I know that sometimes rest is best, I have solid self-care tools in place to support my needs, I no longer strive to be a perfect mum – I choose peace over perfection, I choose calm over chaos. I don’t measure myself on productivity, productivity is no longer a measure of success for me – success for me is about recognizing how I feel and giving myself what I need. It’s about putting my needs up the ‘to do’ list – knowing when to rest – it’s about being present, switching out of doing mode and into being mode and slowing down enough to soak up the magic of motherhood. And this is why mindset, mindfulness and self-love are all pillars of The Mama Collective.
What is your approach to nutrition?
The food you eat has a powerful effect on your stress hormones, gut health, energy and mood.
So let’s lift the filter on motherhood a little more, let’s celebrate our imperfect motherhoods more and find room for compassion over comparison.
Generally speaking, I advocate a food first approach and I always tell people that they CAN NOT supplement their way out of chronic stress, exhaustion, burnout or depletion – you need real food, self-care, self-love and mindset strategies.
BUT there is of course a place for supplements. They can help bridge a gap. Sometimes you might just need a boost from certain herbs, vitamins, or minerals to help your body move along and to keep going, especially when there’s chronic stress and depletion involved – you need a helping hand until you’ve dialled down your stressors and upped your natural reserves and resilience. So my approach is very much a ‘food first’ approach with supplements bridging gaps. I also operate a no diet zone – I don’t believe in restrictive diets, meal replacements, or cutting out food groups. What I DO believe in is ‘adding in’ the good stuff so that the not so good stuff starts to naturally fall by the wayside. I am a massive fan of eating for energy, mood food and I have found that following a gut-friendly and anti-inflammatory style of eating really supports this.
Why is self-love important for mums?
Self-love is about self-worth, boundaries, healthy habits, prioritising sleep, saying ‘no’ more, self-care, rest… kicking negative self-chat to the curb, and waving goodbye to my favourite quartet of motherhood sabotage; mum guilt, imposter syndrome, compared to others and self-doubt. It’s about treating yourself with kindness and respect and nurturing your growth and wellbeing.
When we are stressed, tired and exhausted (hello #mumlife) or going through times of change and uncertainty (hello global pandemic and #mumlife again!) we can find ourselves slipping into a more negative headspace more frequently. It becomes SO MUCH HARDER to talk to yourself with love and kindness. It is SO EASY to dwell and get stuck in a negative headspace…constantly criticising yourself or criticising parts of your life, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, comparing yourself to others, feeling like you don’t do enough, mum guilt.
Self-love isn’t just important, it’s essential… I would go as far as to say that it’s the foundation of health and wellness. Why? When we love ourselves, we can set healthy boundaries and make healthy choices for ourselves. The way we feel about ourselves affects every interaction we have and every decision we make. it’s about learning how to be a little kinder to yourself, how to support yourself, how to give yourself what you need and how to set boundaries. Accept yourself fully, treat yourself with kindness and respect, and nurture your growth and wellbeing.
What is your favourite piece of advice you’ve ever received about motherhood?
That the best-kept secret of motherhood is that sometimes it’s awful.
But the good thing is that you are NOT ALONE if you feel this way. Motherhood is messy and no one has all their shit together.
If you catch yourself looking around at others and start to feel some of the dreaded ‘compare and despair’ creeping in, just remember that NO ONE IS NAILING THIS!
I used to compare myself to other peoples ‘filtered showreel of mum-life highlights’ which led me to strive for all the best bits I saw in others and therefore to strive for perfectionism… and perfectionism in motherhood just doesn’t exist. Other mums seemed to be breezing through motherhood totally stress-free. The super organised mum that somehow has time to single-handedly organise the school fete whilst juggling two under two. The hip and cool mum that is always oh-so-stylish and put together.
The fitness guru that posts daily workouts, the earth mum, the always on-time mum, the perfectly manicured mum…you get the idea! All of this self-comparison left me feeling useless, like a failure, and to be honest quite jealous – I wanted to be organised, stylish, working out daily and always on time. What was I doing wrong? It was exhausting. One of the biggest self-care gifts you can give to yourself is to stop comparing yourself to others and stop striving for perfection.
Remember – everyone is riding the highs and lows, you probably just don’t see the lows. Thankfully the dialogue about motherhood being super tough at times has really opened up more – we are slowly lifting the perfect filter on motherhood and being much more open about the good times and the bad.
Tell us about something coming up that you are excited about…
I am super excited about all the goodness I have to share with mums over the coming weeks in The Mama Collective; weekly guided mindful meditations, pep-talks, a soul-soothing sound bath workshop, good mood food session, grounding for a calm, healthy snacking workshop, monthly reflections and intentions, journaling – it’s all about helping mums nourish themselves ON and OFF the plate so they can stress less and thrive more and I am SO excited to share more tools with more mums to help them shift from survival mode to thrive!
Read more to find out about the Mama Collective and enter to win a year’s free membership!
