A couple of friends have recently broken up with their boyfs. One break-up was so out of the blue that I don’t know who was more shocked: my friend or me. Another friend, Luisa, came round for dinner (dried pasta with bought pesto) after we’d seen the Jubilee Jubilee exhibition at Museum of Brands, Packaging and Advertising.

She told me the now-ex owed her money and mentioned a ‘flip-flop’ in the bedroom – she wasn’t referring to footwear, but to his erectile dysfunction. I asked her a few questions and learnt that she’d offered to lend him money when he was already in debt… I suggested she stopped following her parents’ advice – her dad said that the man needed looking after and would probably change – and start letting a man look after her.

However, this is a good time to remember the things people have said when I was newly (or long-term) single.

What not to say:

• ‘Perhaps you’re not ready for a relationship. You need to be happy being single’.
• ‘If you want it enough, it will happen’.
• ‘Maybe it’s because you want someone rich who lives in Notting Hill’.
• ‘You shouldn’t expect as much romance as you received from your exes. It wasn’t real which is why it didn’t work out.’
• ‘You are a bit of a princess [when I asked my mum if I was spoilt, she responded with, “I hope so”]’.
• ‘It was a big mistake breaking up with your ex – you’ll never find anyone who will love you as much as he did.’
• ‘How about that lovely guy who works in your newsagent?’.

What may help:

• ‘The best things come to those who wait… And wait… And wait,’ – Kate.
• ‘Don’t let the b*****ds get you down,’ – Mum.
• ‘You’re not responsible for other people’s f***-ups’ – Mum.
• ‘Raise your game,’ – Monique.
• ‘The problem is that you have high standards, but we are living in Primark times,’ – the Gentleman.
• ‘The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,’ – the only decent line in Eat, Pray, Love.
• ‘On to the next one,’ – one of Jay-Z’s lyrics taken completely out of context.
• ‘You should send him some tarpaulin,’ – Liz (admittedly this line probably won’t work in most contexts).

Luisa is determined to stop being so mothering (she is generous with everyone) and start letting a man be a man. Of course it’s all very easy to say. Hot Danish has been away with work this week and I sulked for two (okay, nearly three) days after he replied to my declaration of love with, ‘Me, too.’