Natasha’s first dinner with a new friend, Roberto, turned out to be her last. Natasha didn’t flirt during dinner and had clarified their friendship status in advance. But they finished dinner early and his hopes were raised when she suggested watching a film at hers afterwards. When his suggestion of having a lay down together on the bed was spurned, he sulked before promptly falling asleep on the sofa. ‘Are you kicking me out?’ Roberto asked when she gently woke him, handed him his jacket and suggested he return home.

A few evenings prior, Marc (a former neighbour) had arrived on her doorstep, uninvited and drunk, to announce the break-up with his girlfriend if she would give him some kind of commitment there and then.

‘I’ve given up trying to be friends with guys here in the Dam,’ was Natasha’s conclusion.
‘Remember Dutch Lauren’s [as we have two mutual friends called Lauren we refer to them by their nationality] reaction when I mentioned that Mark was coming to visit? She asked if HD was okay about it.’ I said. Hot Danish had previously mentioned that our friendship with Lauren and her boyfriend – a couple-friendship – was unusual in Dutch circles; male and female friendships come the way most of us prefer our restaurant bathrooms.

My mum visited last weekend. Her friend Alan dropped her off at the airport. ‘Alan is such a good friend. Brian [an ex boyfriend] used to get jealous but Alan is like a brother to me. Rather like John With The Big Nose is to you,’ she said as we sat down for dinner. Hot Danish suppressed a laugh. John will always be referred to as John With The Big Nose by my mum, just as another childhood friend Claire is called Big Claire.

‘I think only the Brits have friends of the opposite sex,’ I said to Natasha as we drank our mugs of sencha green tea. ‘Perhaps it’s our pub culture – typically, everyone’s invited to our get-togethers so it takes away issues of exclusivity and jealousy.’