The best surprises are just that – because they are unexpected. Take one hot date who cancelled the fourth date because he was moving back to the US; followed by an invite for a weekend in NYC a month or so later (I turned it down though one male friend subsequently admitted he’d sleep with someone for a free dinner, never mind a trip to NYC); two rows and a four-year gap before a fourth date. Would we get through dinner at Nobu without another row? What’s more, the long-awaited night of passion wasn’t on the cards: he was on heavy-duty painkillers for a skiing accident; it was my time of the month. But it was one of those fun, wild nights…
As we said our goodbyes at the door of the Mandarin Oriental the next morning, there was no mention of meeting up again. And even though I’d previously suspected him of being a cad, I felt the comedown after the high…
Yet it is preferable to not having the high at all. Take Eric. The passion never happened. ‘I don’t want sex to take centre place,’ he said. It wasn’t even on the periphery. When we finally parted ways, typo or not, he couldn’t even say he had a great time with me. ‘I really did have a great time around,’ he messaged.
‘The secret to happiness is low expectations,’ psychologist Barry Schwartz said. My friends advised playing it cool, but I don’t believe in games. I sent the American my CV, saying that I was looking for my next adventure. ‘Let me think about where I can send this and revert with some thoughts; then you can suggest a course of action. Cool?,’ he replied. I’d like to think that if you want to exceed your wildest expectations, you first need to have expectations. And as teacher Calvin Lloyd said, ‘Nobody rises to low expectations.’
