‘Are you and May free this Friday to come over for dinner at my new guy’s in Kensington?’ I texted Mark.
‘New guy, eh – is this the French man? Would love to come over with May, meet him and catch up with you.’
‘The French guy definitely wasn’t boyfriend material.’
‘I have to say that the Arab costume and that Methuselah bottle of wine didn’t create a great impression of the French guy. Is this the tennis player, then?’
‘No, this guy is Danish, but the same age ;-)’
‘Good work.’

Hot Danish has invited a couple whom he met through his ex and I’ve invited a couple who I’m slightly concerned will call HD by the name of one of my exes. It wouldn’t be the first time. But at least it is preferable to the time I called a boyf by my ex’s name (yes, it was in bed) or the time my ex’s friend called his wife by my name (no, I wasn’t having a Jeremy Kyle-style affair)…

What is probably more awkward, though, is being reminded of the ex you’d rather forget about. Not because he broke your heart, but because he is embarrassing. We all have one. Kate Skyped me from Australia to tell me about her recent reminder; ‘Do you remember when I was 22 and going out with 34-year-old Kevin?’
‘The one who wore Kickers shoes and acted like a dad?’
‘Yes. I used to think that because he was older he was really knowledgeable, but I still took the piss out of him for being a bit of an idiot.’
‘So what reminded you of him?’
‘I’m close to his age, but dating 20-somethings. Last night I had no idea what this group of 20-somethings were talking about. When I asked them what “crunching” meant, they told me to Google it. Urban dictionary (my 23-year-old friend told me about it) gave me seven alternative definitions – I still have no idea what they were talking about.’
We laughed, ‘We’re in our 30s and are still completely clueless.’