When I first met Hot Danish I was annoyed that the ex had furnished his flat.

She’d clearly found out that I’d moved in with him… She called HD’s office four times; she emailed him a list of the things she wanted (including White Company sheets and towels); and she informed him that she was coming over with some removal guys at 9am on the day of the big WLG moving-in party that HD was throwing for me. ‘I offered to sort out the removal and I said she couldn’t come in,’ HD said. ‘I know you don’t want to hear it.’ Admittedly I was feeling a little smug about the ‘smart, rich’ ex.

She reminded me of the (smart, rich) blood-red-artwork-owning-ex who turned up on my doorstep six months after we broke up. Are they unused to rejection or do we all have the potential to turn psychotic when we’re spurned?

‘I’m good at squatting from years of yoga,’ Mark said when I warned him we may have no furniture when he sees my new abode.
‘We can always hire a table from Oddbins like we did for the WLL party,’ Katie said.
‘Go Japanese,’ my mum suggested. HD seemed more concerned about my choice of playlist (my friends’ guilty pleasures include Adam & The Ants, Chaka Demus & Pliers and One Direction) and what games I’d bring out (Just Dance 3 Autodance).

With regards to moving the items, HD’s friends advised him to say two words to the ex (and they weren’t ‘f**k me’), but he doesn’t want her to turn up on the evening of the party and cause a scene. It could be a little embarrassing for HD (a what-did-I-see-in-her moment perhaps) but even if Kin Hubbard was wrong when he said, ‘nobody can be as agreeable as an invited guest’, there will at least be an element of surprise…