Put simply: dating is haaard. We put ourselves on the line, emotionally speaking, for an ever-revolving pool of potential partners, often only to discover incompatibility, infidelity or worse. Even the most amicable of break-ups can be a life-altering emotional experience; no one of us is ever really lucky to escape the reality of first love and first heartbreak.
Still, love is love – and the prospect of that beautiful future with someone special is ultimately unignorable. But if you’re still second-guessing yourself after your last relationship, how can you know exactly when you’re ready to start again?
Reflecting on Personal Readiness
Let’s start with the big one. Not being sure if you’re ready to start dating again is often a sign that you aren’t! Reflecting on your emotional and psychological preparedness for dating is not easy, particularly if you’re making the mistake of trying to analyse yourself in therapy-speak.
Go back to basics; how do you feel your healing process has gone in past relationships? Are you still hung up on something, and would it help to take more time or simply to get back out there? Understanding your own needs is vital here, especially for ensuring you’re seeking companionship for the right reasons.
Understanding Modern Dating Dynamics
The emotional side of the equation is easily the most important thing to keep in mind as you start considering to put yourself back out there. That said, there are aspects to modern dating that may also give you pause for thought – or which may need to be properly chewed-over before you get comfortable dating again.
For instance, if you’ve just exited a long-term relationship, you’re likely to find an online-dating landscape that looks drastically different to even the earlier days of Tinder and Hinge. Are you prepared for ‘the apps’? And are you prepared for the huge intervention of technology in the wider dating landscape? Or will you reject it all and go to your next local drink-and-draw in hopes of catching someone’s eye?
Prioritising Health and Well-being
Your health is of constant, consistent importance throughout any dating process – and you should take some steps towards better health before starting to date – both physically and mentally. Sexual health is naturally an element here, particularly if you’re having casual relationships with those you date; you should be prepared to take a chlamydia test regularly, even if you are exceedingly careful with using protection, even if only to protect your own peace between partners.
Health here also refers to your mental health, which takes us back to that first question: are you ready? It can be difficult to go all-in on someone you like, only to have it fizzle after weeks. Repeating this without having some support networks to lean on, or mental health techniques to help you stay centred, could be disastrous.
Establishing Personal Boundaries and Intentions
Finally, what does your ideal relationship look like? Knowing this in advance will help you set clear boundaries, and ensure everything happens at a pace you’re comfortable with. Knowing your non-negotiables and communicating them effectively is essential, not just for healthier and more fulfilling connections, but also for your agency as an individual in the dating world.
