Hot Danish received a few sympathetic looks when he arrived at The Chelsea Ram – he was carrying a couple of work folders and a heavy box. He hadn’t been fired. Inside the box were his farewell gifts (most of which were Jamie Oliver-related). It was his last evening in London and he’d finished work late. I had already ordered him a Peroni. ‘What a great girlfriend I have,’ he said, kissing me.

His friend Matt and Matt’s girlfriend Claire were joining us for dinner. Two of Claire’s friends joined us, too. When the guys called for the bill I was the only girl who pulled out her card to pay. I was also the only girl who thanked the guys for paying the bill. One of the girls joined HD and me in the cab. She didn’t offer to contribute to the cab fare either and she didn’t say thank you for her free ride.

‘Those girls are so ill-mannered,’ I said when HD and I got home.
‘We’ll never see them again,’ HD replied. ‘I expect Matt has to pay for them regularly, though.’
‘They didn’t bring anything to the table either,’ I continued. ‘They didn’t have anything interesting to say.’
‘And they weren’t even good looking,’ HD added.
‘All one of them did was complain that her boyfriend doesn’t have a cleaner and how unsexy he looks cleaning, too,’ I bitched.

The next day, HD and I rowed during the stress of moving. I told him to f**k off and that I wasn’t moving with him. He said he was done with me. I deleted him from BBM. Poor Natasha received a running commentary. When HD and I made up Natasha said; ‘I thought it was just a run-of-the-mill couple’s argument.’ I have since resolved to curb the commentary before I get compared to one of those whingeing freeloaders…