Women should conceive by 35; failing that, they should freeze their eggs between the ages of 30 and 37 (rather than at 20 or the eggs will be too old by the time they are needed). From listening to the radio in a cab to seeing the front pages of the newspapers when I walked into a newsagent, I’ve been bombarded with these messages from senior doctors the last few days. The most irritating part of the rhetoric is that apparently women lack ‘realistic expectations’ and we ‘know little about fertility levels’. I was once advised by a GP to start trying for a family even if I wasn’t sure. I was single at the time.
We all know the facts so how about we redress the balance and give the guys a bit of responsibility because the current message is encouraging men to think female 30-somethings are desperate and making women feel anxious.
So here are my suggested top five considerations for men who want families:
- Wait until you’re approaching 50 and have kids with a 20-something? It’s just not cool. Even the misogynist James Bond is dating someone older these days.
- Alcohol, smoking, not eating enough fruit and veg, and even age affects a man’s fertility, too.
- Just as some men judge women, some women judge men who are in their late 30s and have never married or had children.
- There’s never a right time. You’ll never have a big enough property or salary.
- You want a relationship with the woman of your dreams? Drop the proximity-over-personality Tinder attitude. Relationships require nurturing – time, effort and a leap of faith.
