Hot Danish and I recently spent a whole day in bed together. This might sound romantic, but when one of you (he) keeps coughing into the other’s pillow (mine) and the other (me) ticks every symptom of flu, including sickness and diarrhea… Well, it certainly isn’t romantic or sexy. Except HD still wanted sex. This led me to believe that he wasn’t as ill as me. This offended HD. I suggested he take a shower. This also offended him. The following day, despite both feeling weak and headachy, we managed a day-long row. I have never been a fan of duvet days.

‘How is your head?’ I asked two days later.
‘Which one?’ HD replied.

Meanwhile, Natasha was preparing for a weekend break in Scotland. She and her friend Jack rose at 4am for a 4.30am start. ‘It was a disaster,’ she later told me. ‘The weather was awful and two hours into the journey, Jack skidded the car, hitting a curb. I was shining a torch on one split tyre while he changed it in the rain and dark before we realised a second tyre was also split. We waited an hour for the AA to take us back home. What’s more, the AA recovery man told us all about his vasectomy within minutes of the return trip – he has nine children and apparently was unable to refrain from sex for more than two days following his operation…’

I’d booked Le Cercle for my weekend trip to London. ‘Great, I will meet you at the restaurant. Tasting menu, right?,’ Plan B asked.
‘Yes, mine’s vegetarian but don’t worry – you have the meaty version,’ I replied.
‘Yes, I’ve been told that. Oh sorry, yes, I see.’

I guess I should have seen that one coming.