‘For us, fashion is an antidote to reality,’ design duo Viktor & Rolf once said. I was beginning to take this line a little too literally as my feature deadline neared. All I needed was one fashion rule/top tip/big no-no from 10 insiders to coincide with Amsterdam Fashion Week. My English friend, who works for a Dutch label, was the first to respond – with a fab quote and accompanying images – and then there was silence except for one fashion blogger who took the time to send a lovely email to say she didn’t have time to help me and she hoped I understood. Just to clarify, the article was for a well-known consumer magazine.

I sent examples (my favourite being, ‘Think not that a maxi dress covers a multitude of sins, and acknowledge the fact that it acts as a street sweeper, collecting fag butts and dog shit,’ Henry Holland); and then I made up some (rather witty, I thought), specific to each particular designer in the hope that they would say, ‘Great, thank you for the free publicity and for making me look cool with such little effort on my part.’ Actually, a couple of designers did happily agree to my suggested quotes being attributed to them.

‘Make it up and make the people up,’ a friend said. ‘Lulubelle, head designer at Yves Saint Laurent says, “Never go out wearing clothes except underwear” – see if the trend catches on.’ Truth really is sometimes strange – Bas Kosters’ (real and not made up by yours truly) quote did advocate overdressing, ‘Or get naked.’

A London friend visited for a long weekend. We visited the RLD during her last afternoon. She bought a Swedish designer brand Lelo toy; I bought an overpriced nurse’s outfit. When I returned home I soon discovered that the product did not match the image on the packet. Not only were the white hold-ups and red, patent shoes missing, but one tie and half the ‘dress’ was also conspicuously absent. Hot Danish didn’t seem to mind.