Hot Danish was concerned that I would be lonely so quickly introduced our neighbour to me when I first moved to Amsterdam. ‘She’ll think you’re looking for a threesome if you don’t calm down,’ I said.
‘It’s totally normal to invite new neighbours round to dinner immediately in this city,’ he replied unconvincingly.

Within a week of her move, Natasha has already met most of her immediate neighbours. Marc, who lives above her, has come to her rescue several times. He arrived with a bottle of red to fix the internet and got his smart clothes soaked while draining the boiler. When she declined a glass of wine because she hadn’t yet eaten, oysters were quickly offered. ‘He’s very sweet, genuine and shy,’ she said.

‘He would not be spending hours trying to help you out if he wasn’t interested in you,’ I replied.  ‘I think the “shy” thing is an act.’

The problem with old houses is that you can hear everything. Natasha has been woken up by the sound of a squeaking bed several times a night. What’s worse is that Marc used to live in Natasha’s apartment so he knows full well that she’s heard every detail. ‘Someone fell over during Saturday night’s party,’ he said awkwardly when she asked him if he was planning another all-night party soon.

Befriending an immediate neighbour is rather like moving in with a boyfriend too soon. All those sweet characteristics, such as childish playfulness, quickly become annoying habits such as routine messiness and we know too much too soon. My neighbour must have quickly discovered my bad temper due to overhearing several cringe-worthy rows.

Meanwhile, Marc has his work cut out if he really wants to prove that he’s a shy guy…