Nikki Mansergh is a qualified ABNLP (American Board of Hypnotherapy and American Board of Neuro-linguistic programming), Recovery Coach and EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Practitioner, who has been coaching since 1998.
I have been internet dating for a while but haven’t met anybody who seems to want a committed relationship. However, when I was in France about two months ago I was introduced to a gorgeous man; about my age, and obviously interested in me. He seemed to tick all the boxes I am looking for; successful, good-looking, interesting and fun. I gave him my number and email address. About a week ago he emailed me out of the blue with a picture of him naked on his bed and clearly aroused.
I am not a prude at all but was surprised that he would start contact with that. I am really not sure how to answer and really what to say.
Sexual boundaries are some of the most important ones we can have. Boundaries keep you and others safe from harm. This ‘gorgeous man’ clearly thinks that sending this picture is okay but you must have doubts or you wouldn’t have written. You have met him once; you haven’t slept with him and this is how he approaches you? Does his action show that he values you as a person, rather than as a sex object; does it show you he cares about your sensibilities; does it show that he is interested in taking a ‘relationship’ forward? To my mind, the answer is no to all of those, and the respect and courtesy which are dealbreakers in safe relationships are entirely missing.
Is he sending that picture to anyone he meets at dinner and hoping that it makes him seem irresistible? You mention that he also asks you for ‘hot’ pictures. He can get porn on the net – and probably does. Perhaps he should continue doing that and leave intimacy, rather than sex, to other people.
You also say that you don’t want to shame him – he has already done that to himself.