While catching up with Natasha at the Connaught last week – before she left for love and studying in New York – an American guy started talking to me as soon as she’d gone to the ladies. The next day I received a bitchy text from the red-artwork-owning ex saying he thought he’d seen my twin sister at the Connaught but I’m much better looking. I called the American.

The American and I did a replay and met for a drink at the Connaught the following evening. He’d double booked two work meetings so emailed them both to say that he had to go to the other. ‘Let’s have a tequila,’ he said when he received the second email letting him off the hook. I laughed, ‘Next we’ll be having flaming Sambucas’. His eyes lit up; he thought I wanted to swap Sambuca mouth-to-mouth. We stuck to just lighting them in our mouths which seemed like the slightly more sophisticated option.

Our conversation turned to food and we headed to my local Japanese, Inaho. I told the American to stop pretending he could speak Japanese to the waitress; I could see the blank look of incomprehension on her face. It turned out that the waitress is actually Chinese and that he could speak Japanese. Afterwards we headed to The Commander but the bar was closing. I looked through my purse for my membership to The Starland Social Club. My flat is around the corner so I asked the American to wait outside while I grabbed the membership card. He followed me in. Usually my studio is spotless but I’d had such a hectic week (he’d already spotted my bad nail job; I’d painted over the chipped polish; his nails were perfectly manicured). The place was a tip; shoes, bags, paperwork everywhere. There was even a loo roll trailed across the floor. He started talking about my security and pulled the curtain across; the rail came tumbling down. Then he spotted my washing hanging on the clothes horse; he picked up my worst pair of knickers (an old cotton pair I use for the gym). I quickly hurried him out of the flat (there was no chance of finding the card among the mess anyway) and we ended up snogging on the sofa of The Starland Social Club like a couple of teenagers.

The next day, he sent a few sweet texts, including recommending a few curtain and lingerie shops in Paris. I had told him that I was going with a friend next weekend. In fact I was being set up on a blind date…