There are the obvious red flags but sometimes the signs that he’s not worth dating might be subtle. Liz – intelligent, fun and a beautiful English rose – briefly dated a guy she met online. Who hasn’t, hey! Afterwards, Liz discovered that her date had used the same pseudonym on a variety of specialist dating sites, from those aimed at bisexuals to those for swingers.
Last week I met a founder of a communications agency at a book launch. He called me the next day. ‘I’m old-fashioned – I don’t bother with emails and texts,’ he said. So far, so good. Except that I felt like it was a catch-her-off-guard sales tactic employed to get me to say yes to a date. A date consisting of a Sunday afternoon stroll in Notting Hill.
‘Nice idea,’ Ed said. ‘You said yes or no?’
Monique knew me better. ‘I’d just tell him that wandering the streets isn’t your style.’ So I did. By text. Frankly, a guy who suggests a ‘stroll’ for a date is a cheapskate who is hoping you’ll jump into bed with him after he generously buys you a Starbucks coffee.
There were warning signs when I saw Liz’s ex-date’s profile, too. Call me a cynical singleton when it comes to dating, but I’d rather spend my free time with my mates than go on bad dates. There’s no point wasting time with someone whom you know doesn’t fit the bill from the offset.
So, here are five signs he’s not worth dating so you can avoid disappointment early on:
- Anyone who has ‘open’ (definition: I have no idea what I’m looking for in a date/I’m desperate/anyone will do) in his online profile is a no-go. Ditto anyone who has ‘laid-back’ in his profile (definition: lazy).
- If the first date is somewhere really flashy (Sexy Fish aka Essex Fish, Novikov et al), you’d better be prepared that sooner or later you may get traded in for someone hotter/younger/more controllable. On the flipside, if he doesn’t put any effort in, there’s only one way. Down.
- If there seems to be nothing wrong with him, that doesn’t mean there’s anything right with him. A couple more dates won’t make a jot of difference either.
- Perhaps something isn’t right but you can’t put your finger on it. Ultimately you need to trust your gut and go with that instinct.
- You can always ask a few probing questions to break the ice on the first date. Questions that are also known for accelerating intimacy between strangers.
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