My dates generally fall into one of two types: the quitters; and those who make an effort to impress. There’s usually only one date with a quitter (such as the Comedian), occasionally two (such as the IT – Infected Testicle – guy and the consolation prize-giving boy from Belgrade). If I get to three or more (Jonny and the Lawyer), there are bound to be a few put-downs en route to being rejected.

The Actor fell into the quitters’ group. I noticed a distinct lack of enthusiasm following the first date at Hatchetts Mayfair. After the second (at The Duchess of Cambridge) there was an admittance of confusion, that he wasn’t looking for anything – is there a bigger passion killer? – though he still wanted to see me. At some point I was described as ‘very intimidating’ and an ‘I really want you…’ was swiftly followed up with, ‘I need to sort out my room’. When I lost patience and cancelled the delayed third date, there followed the clichéd sequence of reactions: excuses/assumptions of what I’m looking for; the guilt trip (‘I bought Champagne for us’); and finally the name-calling.

in contrast, the Musician, whom I met at Smith & Wollensky, fell into the latter category of date. The stream of updates, invites, photos, voice recordings, videos, compliments and the occasional name-dropping came thick and fast. ‘Who do you get to take these photos of you?’ I laughed.
‘A lady from the studio filmed me jumping into the [North] sea [in December]. I stopped and had coffee with a couple for the last photo.’

Due to our busy schedules, there was a delay between our brief meeting and our first date. I was beginning to wonder if he’d built up his expectations of our first date a little too much and how long he would be able to sustain this level of enthusiasm…

‘If you were staying in London, I would love you to see me perform,’ he messaged late one evening. ‘But I’m glad you’re leaving so I don’t have to impress you – haha.’

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